We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
