Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
