Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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