the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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