I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
