i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
