I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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