literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
