just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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