My first STD was from a foam party
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
