we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
