I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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