i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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