It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
