You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
