Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
