Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
