Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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