If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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