My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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