what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
