I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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