I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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