Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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