i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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