he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
