did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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