Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my phone needs a breathalizer
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just want to make out with him forever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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