Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
