Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
