I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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