I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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