Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
