I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
