ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
