We're facebook friends in real life
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
