umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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