just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
