Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
