Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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