I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
