why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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