Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
