Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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