so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
