Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
