Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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