some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
