They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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