when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
